So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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