so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
