M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
