I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
