Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
