I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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