I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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