Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
