Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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