she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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