no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
