I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
