In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
