A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
