I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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