Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
