what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
