One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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