ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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