can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
