By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
