Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
