I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
