Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
