Im at strip club and am horny
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
