Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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