I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
