We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
