Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
