You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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