he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
