He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
