I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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