college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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