He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
