we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
