when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
