If i come over, it means nothing
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
