maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
