nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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