hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
