My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
