Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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