There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
