You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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