drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
