i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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