Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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