Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
