can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
