i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
