He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
