just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
